I went
to bed late last night, not much later than usual but later than I should have
gone to bed. I put in my mouth guard (I may
or may not grind my teeth but just in case I have a $275 piece of plastic that
clips onto my bottom front two teeth. It
keeps my mouth from closing so that my back teeth never touch. Yay), I turned
on my iPod(the new Danger Mouse & Daniele Luppi album featuring Jack White
and Norah Jones, it’s actually quite pleasant to sleep to), I put on my
breathing mask, turned the internet functions off on my iPhone( push
notifications scare the crap out of me while I’m sleeping, and I can’t turn it
on silent because it’s my alarm clock and I need to be able to receive calls
from my employees should the building burn down or probably something way less
dramatic), I turned the light off, laid down, looked at the clock (10:01 pm [I
know it’s sad but I have to get up at 5:30am]), and then my brain went off.
I hadn’t
been able to think of anything to write about yesterday and I had tried. I thought about writing just for the sake of
writing, I thought about writing about my iPhone, I thought about writing about
my weird OCDs (that might still happen…later), and I just couldn’t come up with
anything. To be fair I was really busy
yesterday at work and anytime I had to chill and do paperwork or something like
that I was listening to podcasts( I listen to a lot of comedian’s podcasts
because they like to talk about writing and how their process is and it
fascinates me[specifically the Nerdist podcast]). I know I’m making excuses but I do work
between 60 and 70 hours a week (at 12 hours a day), I spend more of my waking
hours at work than I do at home. But I digress,
so… As soon as I closed my eyes I had an idea.
I know
it was about prayer, but that’s all I can remember. I was laying there and this thought popped
into my head and I heard myself saying that I should get up and go type this
right now. Then another part of me said “are
you insane? It’s 10:02pm, go to sleep and write it in the morning”. So as I laid there arguing with myself
internally(obviously) I asked if this was God telling me to go write or was it the part of me that knows that if I didn’t
go write this now I’d never remember what it was. I told myself that all I had to remember was
two words, one was “prayer” and the other was “?”. I have no idea what I was so excited about
writing last night. I’m pretty disappointed
in myself right now.
I guess
I’m wondering if it’s possible for God to want me to sacrifice sleep (something
that could adversely affect my job performance) to write something that would
probably make me happy, or is it more likely that the devil is screwing with
me. Then again, it could just be the way
my brain is wired. I’ve always been more
of a night person. If my job depended on
writing, I would change my schedule so that I could write at night, but it
doesn’t, so I don’t.
Eric Anderson
I am so excited! YES, God was speaking to you! It's ok though...don't get down on yourself. He knows you are learning. Remember what Mr. Denharder said....God speaks through your mind a lot of times and I suspect you're like me and don't trust your mind...that's ok too. It's a learning process...there is grace for that. Next time listen to that thought! The cool thing about God when it's Him talking is that if you have to sacrifice sleep to do what He says He gives you the ability to function...He knows we are "but dust". Just be you...God will still use you!
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