Eric and The Relationships

                I don’t like people as a group.  That’s not entirely true.  It is the vibe I put out there though.  I have a difficult time relating to people.  I am seriously lacking in social skills, but I want badly to be liked, so much so that I generally make an ass out of myself and push people away from me.  It takes most people time to get to know me and understand where I’m coming from.  Where I’m usually coming from is a deep desire to make you laugh, I will say almost anything to make someone laugh and even though I’m not serious it can be taken wrong sometimes.  A lot of the time, the things that will make someone laugh are inappropriate and are not my true feelings.  They are just the funniest thing from the list of possible responses that pops into my head.  Relationships are hard for me.

                I used to have a best friend that I would do everything with, he was awesome, smart, hilarious, and had much better people skills.  We’re still Facebook friends or whatever, but I haven’t seen him since right after my first child was born (almost 6 years ago).  This is my problem; I don’t know how to carry on more than one relationship at a time.  I got married and that was it for me.  I have a best friend that lives with me now.

                Being married is the easiest thing that I have ever done.  I love my wife and that’s it.  I’ve always loved my wife, even way back when we were dating in high school.  Sure we fight and we drive each other crazy.  We don’t have much in common, she doesn’t get me and I certainly don’t get her, but there has always been a connection between us.  When we were apart for four years she was on my mind 90% of the time.  I couldn’t shake her no matter how hard I tried.  I know this might sound bad but I don’t know why we are drawn together the way that we are.  I just know that we are absolutely meant to be together.  That’s why it’s so easy for me.  A lot of people tell me that marriage is hard and I want to see that but I can’t.  Every other thing in my life is hard, but not her. Being with her is the only thing that I know is right. 

                Donnie offered to hang out with me some time to talk about how hard it is to have a job, wife, kids, bills etc…  He says I have isolated myself and I guess that’s not a good thing.  I don’t really like to hang out and I haven’t done it in a really long time. I work 12 hour days 5 to 6 days a week (it’s the only way to make enough money to survive), so there’s a time factor.  About 9 years ago Donnie and I found ourselves unemployed at the same time.  We went out looking for jobs together for a few months and we hung out and exercised and watched movies.  It was good times, then I got the job that I’m at now and we have hardly ever talked to each other again.  That’s just my screwed up personality.  I don’t know how to be an acquaintance.  I don’t know how to do small talk.  I’m either all in friendship mode or I’m not.  What’s wrong with me?

                I guess I’ll just have to work on that. I keep getting tired of talking about myself and saying that I’m going to quit blogging and maybe write some fiction, but then I get overwhelmed all up in my brain. So here it is.

Eric Anderson