♪♫
I am a C ♪♫
♪♫ I am a C-h ♪♫
♪♫ I am a C-h-r-i-s-t-i-a-n ♪♫
♪♫ And I have C-h-r-i-s-t in my
H-e-a-r-t ♪♫
♪♫ And I will L-i-v-e-E-t-e-r-n-a-l-l-y
♪♫
Who
would choose hell over heaven if they were presented with proof of that
choice? I don’t think anyone would, but
it’s not exactly laid out for us that easy. Sure I don’t have any excuse, I was
raised in a Christian family and went to a Christian school and church every
Sunday and it’s all been hammered into me.
What about the people who were raised in another religion? What about
the people who were raised in no religion at all? How do I tell someone that their god is false
and my God is the one true God? They’ll look at me and say “Nuh-Uh”. The faith part of this whole thing is the
hardest part for me to wrap my head around.
God
created all of us and He loves all of us and He wants all of us with Him in
heaven so why make it so hard? Why not
just lay it out there for everyone with empirical evidence and just say “here
it is, make your choice”. Who am I to
question God? Nobody, I just get hung up
on these things and I get mad at myself for thinking them because I feel like they’re
blasphemous. I want to be a good soldier
in this war, I want to fall in line behind everyone else and fight for this
thing that I believe in, but I just get stuck.
I’ve had this thought for as long as I can remember. I’ve always been too afraid to say it out loud
because I really don’t want to make Him angry with me, but I just have to get
this out there to see if I’m the only one who feels this way.
My
mom keeps telling me to make sure I include God in all of my decisions. I don’t have any idea how to do that. She says seek Him first (I know that’s in the
bible too), but I don’t know how. I know
this sounds ridiculous, but I rarely ever pray anymore. When I do it’s usually to ask for God to
protect me or my family, but I never consult God on my decisions. I think I used to, but I just never heard
anything back. Hearing the voice of God
is so hard for me and I don’t understand why.
It seems so easy for all of the people at church and the rest of my
family.
My
daughter asked me last night what hell was and if they make you eat weird stuff
there. I told her it’s a hot horrible
place with no water and no one wants to go there. She agreed that she didn’t want to go
there. I know that was probably the time
I should have pushed her to accept Jesus into her heart, but I feel like such a
hypocrite when I even begin to speak about such things. I’m failing her as a spiritual leader. I’m failing God as the spiritual head of my
household. The main reason we want to
keep Amira in Christian school is because we both know that we’re not equipped
to teach her the things she’s supposed to already know about God. I know it’s sad.
I
started tithing again two weeks ago, and it has been hard, but I know that it’s
what I’m supposed to do. I can’t just
choose to believe the parts of the bible that are convenient right? I know these questions are hard and I don’t
want to be the reason anyone else questions their faith. I just want to know how to believe without
question. I know that I’m at a low point
in my life and that it’s probably time that I fall on my face and ask God for
help but I just haven’t felt compelled to do it. What I mean is that I don’t want to fake
it. If it happens then great but I don’t
want to pretend something is there that isn’t there.
I
don’t know.
Eric Anderson
I certainly understand you not wanting to fake it. I want it to be real too! Its good that you are questioning things. I did too when I was your age (and sometimes still do about some things). I found myself in a place of questioning if I really believed what I was taught or did I just take it as truth because my parents (grandparents) believed it. Teach Amira what you know and commit to learning more yourself. It will be an exciting adventure!
ReplyDelete